To "US" by Derrick Calicdan

How many of you know Ricky Reyes? Yes, he is the most sought after stylist / beautician / hairdresser / etc. in the Philippines. But are these the only things that define Ricky as a person? Of course not. I saw this very interesting segment of i-Witness featuring the "Mader ng Ganda" and I was surprised by how similar our lives are in different aspects. It was really touching and it's something that "we" can all relate to. Through all the personal difficulties concerning his sexuality and society's harsh judgment and criticism towards him and his lifestyle, he is, undeniably, a very successful person. Well, we can measure success in different ways. But his life's achievement doesn't stop there. In some way, I saw that, not only was he successful, but also happy. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that he's happy because he's successful, no. We must never confuse success with happiness for they are two very different concepts. But wouldn't it be great if you had both like Mama Ricky? I would definitely say so.

I actually wished they allotted more time for the segment. I would've learned so much more on top of the many things I've learned while I "watched" his life. As I mentioned earlier, our life is not that different (as with "you" and "everyone" else's). He went through the liberating, but often condemned, experience of telling everybody about his sexuality as we all did (Or will do). He went through the time when he felt that he fell short of his parent's expectations. But mama Ricky, though he had great love for both of his parents, held steadfastly and decided to be who he is for if he didn't, who knows? We might not have the Mader ng Ganda giving "us" pure and sincere advice and guidance.

Of course, his words of wisdom were not without the consequences and cautionary reminders of "our" lifestyle. And it is, quite in fact, true that there are certain consequences we must face for being someone that society frowns upon. People like us are publicly ridiculed, laughed at, and, an even more drastic reaction, condemned. But, c'mon on "guys", we have to admit that we do, sometimes, bring these down upon ourselves. We sometimes say and act in such a way that permits society to ridicule and judge us. So, what advice does mama Ricky give us? Well, here it is:

"Wag niyong hayaan na kayo'y maging public amusement because you are humiliating yourself. Hinihiya mo ang sarili mo. Hayaan mong i-respeto ka ng tao sa gagawin mo. Hindi yung 'Ay! Tignan mo yung bading, oh!', ganyan, ganyan. Ayoko nun. Hindi ko type iyon. Ayoko yung para kang matsing na tinitgnan sa hawla at pinagtatawanan. Dapat alam natin kung saan natin i-lulugar ang sarili natin. Ako, bading ako. Gusto ko din nagdadamit damit pambabae. Enjoy din ako doon. But I will not do that in public. Dapat ilagay mo sa tamang lugar."

Don't you agree? Well, I do. We must always remind ourselves that tolerance is something that we should be grateful for, although what we are aiming for is respect and acceptance. The latter are just "bonuses". This statement was even more emphasized and elaborated to me by my uncle, Christopher. He told me that although we have finally found ourselves, we must also find ourselves in society with respect and dignity. To be respected, one must earn it. So, Kuya Ambe, if ever you're reading my blog, thank you.

To those of you have parents, especially fathers, who are having a difficult time accepting you, try to know what happened to mama Ricky and his father. His father died. And mama Ricky said that "sayang ang lahat ng panahon. Sana nakita mo how good of a son I am.". I hope his experience leaves a lesson to you and your parents that time is something we cannot reclaim. Love your parents and your children as much as possible without condition.

So, I hope you, my dear readers, are not tearing up over there. My message is plain and simple, but kind of long to fully express. Learn from others. Be brave enough to face the consequences of your choices, and, above all, be happy and enjoy God's gift of life to the fullest.

-Derrick Calicdan